Yes, I am done. My last class happened three days ago. I turned in my final book review, sat in a four-hour advanced seminar class on Adorno, completed a class evaluation, and walked out the door of room 652. I cannot believe how quickly this time flew by. It is nearly winter here and I almost don’t even remember being here last winter, It all seems to have meshed together. But here I am, about to close this chapter of my life…WITH A MASTER’S DEGREE!! Never in my wildest dreams…seriously!
What do I hope to accomplish by this first blog? I want to write about what has been going on in my head, which is specifically related to the question I expect to get asked about 100 times by the end of the year: what’s next?
For those that don’t know, I nixed the idea of applying for a PhD this year. It did not feel right after all. And I decided back in September (or maybe it was July?), that I was going to move home after grad school. I am leaving a week from Monday and cannot wait. Both decisions were made with my heart and not my head. The only “job hunt” I have done thus far is looking at a bunch of Chicago colleges to see if they were hiring for an undergrad Film 101 adjunct professor. No luck. It would not pay the bills, but it would give me a taste of teaching. I did ask for a bunch of books on Vietnam reporting for Christmas, which is what I am interested were I to go on for my PhD. A goal of mine is to keep up with my reading no matter what I do because it felt really good to read on a daily basis and learn.
So, more schooling and teaching are out right now, which leaves what? Well, what has been going on in my head is that I have been looking at this school thing too literally. By that I mean, what if I was led on this path of obtaining a master’s degree in cinema for a purpose other than getting a job in cinema? There were so many cool things that happened that have NOTHING to do with getting this degree to obtain a cinema job, such as: I uprooted my life and proved to myself that I could live in another city and be happy/successful; I experienced college with a clear head and healthy mind frame, something that I did not do during undergrad for various reasons; I made friends in college, another thing I did not do in my undergrad; I worked at my relationships back home, making more phone calls and actually growing closer with those who I was farther away from; I successfully lived with my first unknown roommates; and I grew as a person. I saw a lot in myself that could use some work (namely perfectionism) and I saw a lot in myself that has improved. I gained a new respect for myself and as cliche as it is, proved to myself I could DO ANYTHING. That is one reason I am in no rush to get the PhD, if I do decide I want it, because it will always be there for me.
I am not saying I am ruling out jobs in cinema, nor am I saying I want to go back to doing what I was doing. I definitely do not want the latter, but I am just saying I am not going to put pressure on myself to see this degree as a one-way street to a cinema job. I think that would be constrictive. I see this experience as so much more than that, as I wrote above, and I am going to stay open to whatever the heck is supposed to come out of it, which I think only God has the power to clearly see. I will just take the next right action, putting one foot in front of the other, and I have absolutely NO doubt the most beautiful things are in store for me. Nearly ten years ago a very close friend said to me, “It keeps getting better from here,” and it has been 100% true. Some days do not feel like it, but in retrospect, my life grows abundantly each day and I am really excited to see what comes of this.
I’ll close part one by writing that I am sad to leave. I am sad it is coming to an end. Excited as all heck to go home, but sad I won’t be walking into the Tisch building on a daily basis, fishing around in my purse for my NYU ID to show the guards, and impatiently waiting for an elevator as I creep between the four possible doors that may open and shove my way amongst the crowd to get in. What is the part I will miss the most? Not driving. Ugh. I hate having to drive, but then again when I was home in July and realized I could get from point A to point B in 10 minutes versus the 20-30 it takes me in NYC… Nah! Even with that, I will miss not having to drive. That is my only incentive for wanting to make a lot of money…so I can hire myself a chauffeur!
No Matter Where Life Takes Me 