Sunday Funday

Have I been writing a lot about anxiety? I feel like I may have, but it could just be that I am feeling it a lot lately and that’s why I think I talk about it non-stop, including here. I think last time I talked about social anxiety, which is nothing new, but this overall feeling of anxiety has been lingering now with me for two months…I think.

There are changes coming for me and it is not a bad anxiety, just uncomfortable. This will all be a little vague right now, especially that there is still a lot of unknown to me and man, that is uncomfortable. I like planning; I like knowing everything that is coming my way. This can be a helpful trait to some ends, and it can be very limiting in other areas.

If I chose my path in life, it would have limited me so much. I believe everything happens for a reason; I believe the universe decides my fate. My favorite expression: We plan and God laughs. I cannot mess with whatever the universe has in store for me, but that also does not mean I can sit on my hands and just wait for things to come. A friend reminded me of this today. I need to take action, and that’s always the pisser because I question every action I take – Is this right? Is this best? Am I trying to control things? Yada, yada, yada.

But this post is titled ‘Sunday Funday,’ which I only did to trick people into reading it. If you think it is about football, you read. If you think it is about anxiety, you don’t read. Just what my thoughts said, so I am sorry. I did not mean to be deceiving. To make up for it, here is a “fun” cartoon about anxiety, and life, I think folks can relate to. Go Bears!

 

Prized Possessions to a Minimalist

I was talking to Adrienne (sister) last night and she mentioned “being buried with” a certain possession of hers and it got me thinking, do I have anything in my life I would want to be buried with?

I could not come up with a single thing. No memento, no childhood item, no prized possession. To be fair, the item Adrienne mentioned is definitely more than just a “thing.” It contains memories and means a lot to her, but it is still an item, a possession. I think most people who know me would say, “Diana would probably want to take all her money with her” since I am such a pinchpenny and treasure cash, but that is not true. I hope I can either spend it all before I go or give away what I do not spend to someone who needs it.

The one thing that kept circulating through my mind as being important to me was relationships. I wish I could take all the good feelings I get from the relationships I have in my life with me, which is still super mind-boggling because if you ask me what is my biggest fear it is relationshipping with people. The vulnerability, the letting go of control, the intimacy. But those connections, when I let myself experience them, are amazing.

I listen to this meditation that is called something like “Exploring the Wilderness of Your Discomfort” and this one part says, “When you want to leave, stay one minute longer” and I always think about that when I am around people. My gut instinct when it is time to connect with another human being is “RUN!” Well, maybe not so dramatic, but more so like “walk away” or if I am in the conversation already, I think of how to end it. This is not constant and all the time, but there are definitely walls and barriers I contend with each day in my own intrapersonal line of communication that make relationshipping hard despite it being the greatest joy in my life.

So what is a prized possession to a minimalist? For me, it’s just things that are not material things. And I think that is what Adrienne means when she speaks of the thing she wants to take with her. It is not the “thing,” but rather the memory and value she places on it. Same with everyone else and their prized possession or material objects they “love.” It is whatever is behind it. Not trying to get philosophical – really just am trying to understand why human relationships scare me (and so many others) so much when they are what I (we) treasure the most.